LET’S CREATE A BALANCE FOR THE BOY AND GIRL CHILD

A very young lady came into my inbox a couple of days ago. From her message, I could tell she was confused and scared.
At the moment, I was engrossed in something. So, I sent her my whatsapp number and scheduled a session with her by 5pm same day.
She is in a relationship with a guy who is 13 years older. The lady is an undergraduate, a very intelligent and forward personality I must say. The man has SSCE and seems to have no plan to further his education. He has found his passion in business.

This man is responsible for her education and other financial needs. Now, he wants to marry her as soon as possible. It appears he is yearning to get her hooked before graduation. Who will blame him?
She should be glad for being so lucky, right? Problem is, she doesn’t feel lucky at all. Why?
The guy is not trustworthy. What’s more? He abuses her emotionally.
However, she is afraid of turning down his proposal outrightly. Doing so might result to immediate withdrawal of financial aid. This might be catastrophic to her dream of being a graduate. So, she wanted me to advice her on what to do.
I felt pity for her. She lost her dad at a tender age and the mum is not financially buoyant to take care of her and the sister.

However, I was much more concerned about the guy.
“Which kain nonsense be dat nau Ronke? Somebody dey maltreat woman, you still dey pity am”.
My friend, calm down.
I’m not in support of male chauvinism. Never!
But hear this…
As I was thinking about how to present the lecture that will help her make better informed choices, my mind raced back in time to a period when a young man approached me for similar but different issue.
He was dating a lady and had plan to marry her. Both were graduates and they were doing well in their respective jobs. But the guy was deep in frustration even though he was in love.
What was his problem ?
His lady wouldn’t listen to his whims and caprices.
“I say don’t use mug to prepare tea, use plastic cup”, he would instruct.
“No o. That’s not right nau. Don’t you know that mug is better than plastic? Plastic cup causes cancer”, she would enlighten him.
I know that the above scene appears silly to you. Believe me, they argued over more silliest issues. But don’t let me bother you with those.

Read this urgently

The guy couldn’t understand why a woman would not obey simple instruction from her man.
His fear was that once they get married, controlling her will be a problem. He didn’t want anything that will make him lose his dignity and identity as a man.
“Damn! Ain’t women supposed to be submissive to their men?”, he queried angrily.
I requested for the source of his knowledge, he pointed at the Bible. I laughed.
Isn’t it pathetic to see the “unscripture man” use the scripture to defend his inferiority complex?
I asked him a simple but crucial question.
“Tell me one thing. Apart from her beauty, what got you attracted to her ?”
He was silence for a moment. Then, he blurted out, “her intelligence”.
Another moment of silence ensued. Probably, he was trying to weigh the consequences of his confession.
“She has this divine way of knowing things. It’s amazing. I guess it’s because she reads alot”, he admitted.
I gave him the Nigerian mothers kind of look. Am sure you understand that stare that is powerful enough to stop you in your tract.
“Young man, such personality don’t like to be controlled. You can only love her to submission”, I said in a note of finality.
And now this.
Of course, there is nothing new about these two experiences, yet I couldn’t help but feel more concerned for the unschooled business man than the girl he abuses emotionally.
At first, I thought he is being intimidated by the fact that the lady is an undergraduate.

But on a second thought, I asked myself “what about the educated guy whose desire was to have his girlfriend submit to all his idiosyncrasies?”
You see !
Being educated or unschooled might not necessarily have anything to do with low self esteem.
Personally, I think it’s a deep psychological problem whose root can be traced back to the Garden of Eden.
“How ?” Find out in the subsequent post.

What do you think ? We would love to hear from you, please leave a comment below in the comment box.

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Amos
| teacher | writer | editor | speaker | educational consultant

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